A letter to 'Car Talk':  this one was read on air!

(Apologies if you've already seen it, but it's worth reading again!)

Original webpage at

http//:www.cartalk.cars.com/Mail/Haus/2000/01.29.html

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                             Volkswagen Bus

"Romanticized as it has been, the Volkswagen bus had no heat, blew over in
the wind and used the driver's front legs as its first line of defense in an
accident."

Dear Sirs or Madmen:

Your description of the VW bus was completely accurate, but, alas,
pathetically unenlightened. Further contemplation will bring you to these
epiphanic conclusions:

A) If a VW bus shifts in the wind, it is simply because you are on the wrong
path, heading in the wrong direction. Think of it not as a potentially
lethal driving hazard but rather as a "spiritual GPS."

B) Heat? Who among us has actually known heat? Is not one man's boil another
man's frost? Could it be that the sound of one hand clapping is actually a
VW driver attempting to at once both shift and survive?

C) Factually, the driver's legs are not the first line of defense. You have
overlooked the thick layer of bug guts aerodynamically meshed into a natural
and practically impenetrable polymer covering the bus's front. In addition,
many buses feature a front- mounted Triplated Independent Repealing
Emobilizer (TIRE) combining the science of high-cost air bags and the proven
effectiveness of amusement-park bumper cars.

Finally and most importantly, remember that every VW bus is surrounded by
the plush and cushioning aura of St. Jerry of Garcia, providing divine
Truckin' guidance to freaks,  Deadheads, 17-year-old wannabe's and balding
40-something used-to-be's.

Bob Hamrick Balding,
frostbitten owner of a goat-vomit green '76 Westfalia
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