> Name:  Unca Joel
               alias Joel Calhoun Toutant de Beuregard Walker
               alias Sam Magee
               aka Foghorn J. Legghorn
> sex:      seben.  ate.  mime.  zen.
> state/country: Tookalooka, Amabala. Hew Hess Hay. Down South.
                        Waaaay Down South. where the Kudzu blooms and
blows,
                         Why he left his home in the South to roam
                         Round the pole, God only knows.
> Number of Vanagons:     too.
                                         1987 Vanagon Camper GL P27.
platinum.
                                                  180,000 miles.
                                                  Hermann the Hermit
Crab.
                                          1988 Vanagon GL. blue.
                                                  145,000 miles.
                                                  Gustave/Gus
> Sweet Gum trees in yard: two damned many!
> Color of yard:       pine straw and sweet gum balls. (pine trees
have no balls).
> Lawn Mower:    John Deere riding RX-95 green turbo turtle.
> Favorite Movie Star:   None.
> Favorite Quote:          Non.
> Favorite Religious Personnage:  Nun.
> Favorite Time of Day:   Noon.
> Favorite Pasttime:         Moon.
> Favorite Month:            June.
> color of hair:                 blue.
> colour of eyes:              same as hair.
> wait:                          130 stone.
> hite:                           1.83 meter
> circumference:           6 feet (2 of which are at the ends of my
legs)
> places traveled:          Gawga, Mississississippippi, Tennennessee,
kentucky,
                                    All over Amabala, Nawth Carolina,
South Carolina, Virginny,
                                    Pennsylvania, New Yawk, Rode
Island, New Jersey, Old Jersey,
                                    Texas, Lou's E-anna, little bit of
New Mexico and Arid-zona,
                                     littler bit of Californicate,
Coloradio, Chicago and surrounds,
                                     Miss Ouri, someplace in Kansas,
Tulsa in OkieDokie,
                                      Nebraska near Omahaha and
Lincoln Logs, Northwest Florida,
                                     Saigon, Nha Trang, Long Binh,
Bien Hoa, and points west,
                                     Hong Kong (before the tunnel),
Sydney in Australia (before the
                                      Opera House), Katoomba in NSW
with all the dirty sheep.
> people seen on travels:   3
> occupation:      something that involves computers. the voices tell
me what to do.
                           i try to resist, but i get paid if i do
what they want.
                           if i listen really close, i can hear the
computers talking to each other.
> time til retirement:         5 years, 8 months, 13 days, 1 hour and
13 minutes.
> scars:                 yes, two volkswagen buses.
> tattoos:               no, i never learned to play the drums.
> medical history:  insanity does NOT run in my family; it practically
gallops.
                            and the only times i have ever been sick
in my life, there were
                            doctors involved. i have been avoiding
doctors ever since.
> criminal history:  never got caught.
> political history:   vote the bastards out!! let some new crook have
a chance.
> Geneological history:   Levi's. maybe Wranglers.
> Notable Forebears:      actually, only two were bears. the others
were semi-famous
                                      politicians ...
                                      Benjamin Yancey Martin, lawyer
(but we never held it against
                                          him) and state senator or
representative (he'd never tell us
                                          which).
                                      Chief Walks-like-stick-up-butt,
Choctaw potentate in the early
                                           1800's.
> Historical history:        i am not historical. i am usually very
calm.
> Military History:          U.S.Army, enlisted. took the Queen's
shilling and served
                                     my time. parted company as an
E-5/Sergeant. saw lots of
                                     things that were green.
> hobbies:            combing beard, makes christmas ornaments out of
ear wax and
                            toothpaste, kit bashing.
> Grade Point Average:    1.8 out of 3.0
> Degrees Obtained:         Bachelor of Arts in Mathematics and
Computer Science
                                        NRI Associate Degree in
Cosmotology and Hair Styling
                                        Dr. Scholl's Home School of
Pedicure, Magna Cum Laude
                                        105F during fits of malaria
                                        -62F with wind chill (snot
freezes)
> Marital Status:               never again. unless she's a very rich
blind mute orphan.
                                        and good looking. did i
mention rich?
> Martial Status:                14th Degree Red Welt in Kat Wa Shing.
> Social Status:                 Local Hermit, Village Idiot in
Training.
> Financial Status:             Easy Come, and Easy Go.
                                         It's not just what, but Who
You Know.
> Stasis Status:                  Milk of Magnesia before bedtime.