ONLY IN AMERICA - NOTHING IS FUNNIER THAN THE TRUTH.

       1. Only in America......can a pizza get to your
          house faster than an ambulance.

       2. Only in America......are there handicap
          parking places in front of a skating rink.

       3. Only in America......do drugstores make the
          sick walk all the way to the back of the store to
          get their prescriptions while healthy people can
          buy cigarettes at the front.

       4. Only in America......can a disabled combat veteran
          sleep in a box on the street while a draft dodgers
          sleeps in the white house.

       5. Only in America......do banks leave both doors
          open and then chain the pens to the counters.

       6. Only in America......do we leave cars worth
          thousands of dollars in the driveway and put
          our useless junk in the garage.

       7. Only in America......do we use answering
          machines to screen calls, and then have call
          waiting so we won't miss a call, from someone
          we didn't want to talk to in the first place.

       8. Only in America......do we buy hot dogs in
          packages of ten and buns in packages of eight.

       9. Only in America......do we use the word
          'politics' to describe the process so well:
          'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics'
          meaning 'bloodsucking creatures'.

      10. Only in America......do they have drive-up ATM
          machines with Braille lettering.

          In case you needed further proof that the human
          race is doomed through stupidity, here are some
          actual label instructions on consumer goods:

       1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping".
          [Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair]

       2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be winner! No
          purchase necessary. Details inside".
          [Evidently, the shoplifter special]

       3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like
          regular soap."  [And that would be how...?]

       4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving
          suggestions:Defrost."  [But it's *just* a suggestion]

       5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom
          of box):"Do not turn upside down". [Oops, too late!]

       6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will
          be hot after heating". [As sure as night follows the
          day ]

       7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes
          on body". [But wouldn't this save even more time?]

       8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not
          drive a car or operate machinery after taking =this
          medication. [We could do a lot to reduce the rate of
          construction accidents if we could just get those
          5-year-olds with head-colds off those forklifts.]

       9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness"
          [One would hope]

      10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor
          or outdoor use only". [As opposed to what?]

      11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used
          for the other use". [I gotta admit, I'm curious].

      12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains
          nuts".[NEWS FLASH]

      13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts:
          "Instructions: open packet, eat nuts."
          [Step 3: Fly Delta]

      14. On a child's Superman costume: Wearing of this
          garment does not enable you to fly". [I don't
          blame the company. I do blame parents for this one!]

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