I couldn't figure out where this was going at first.  Now I can barely stop
laughing long enough to say Thanks!  Got my day started off right!!
Gary
----- Original Message -----
From: "Nigel Bennett" <NigelB@foschini.co.za>
To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
Sent: Friday, May 18, 2001 4:31 AM
Subject: It's Friday !

> > This one's old but good.....
> >
> > This is for all of you who occasionally have a really bad day, and you
> > just
> > need to take it out on someone! Don't take that bad day out on someone
you
> >
> > know, take it out on someone you don't know!
> >
> > Now get this. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I
> > had
> > to make. I found the number and dialed it. A man answered nicely saying,
> > "Hello?"
> >
> > I politely said, "This is Bobby Carpenter and could
> > I please speak to Melissa Lewis?"
> >
> > Suddenly the phone was slammed down on me! I couldn't believe that
anyone
> > could be that rude. I tracked down Melissa's correct number and called
> > her.
> > She had transposed the last two digits incorrectly. After I hung up with
> > Melissa, I spotted the wrong number still lying there on my desk. I
> > decided
> > to call it again. When the same person once more answered, I yelled
> > "You're a
> > jackass!" and hung up. Next to his phone number I wrote the word
> > "jackass,"
> > and put it in my desk drawer.
> >
> > Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills, or had a really bad day,
> > Id
> > call him up. He'd answer, and Id yell, "You're a jackass!" It would
always
> >
> > cheer me up. Later in the year the phone company introduced caller ID.
> > This
> > was a real disappointment for me; I would have to stop calling the
> > jackass.
> >
> > Then one day I had an idea. I dialed his number, then heard his voice,
> > "Hello." I made up a name. "Hi. This is the sales office of the
telephone
> > company and I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with our caller
ID
> > program?" He went, "No!" and slammed the phone down.
> >
> > I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're a jackass!"
> > The reason I took the time to tell you this story, is to show you how if
> > there's ever anything really bothering you, you can do something about
it.
> >
> > Just dial 402-8863.
> >
> > A little background as to why: I was waiting to park at the mall and an
> > elderly lady took her time pulling out of the parking space. I didn't
> > think
> > she was ever going to leave. Finally, her car began to move and she
> > started
> > to very slowly back out of the slot. I backed up a little more to give
her
> >
> > plenty of room to pull out. Great, I thought, she's finally leaving. All
> > of a
> > sudden this black Camaro comes flying up the parking aisle in the wrong
> > direction and pulls into her space. I started honking my horn and
yelling,
> >
> > "You cant just do that, Buddy. I was here first!" The guy got out of his
> > Camaro completely ignoring me. He walked toward the mall as if he didn't
> > even
> > hear me. I thought to myself, This guys a jackass. There are sure a lot
of
> >
> > jackasses in the world.
> >
> > Then I noticed he had a "For Sale" sign in the back window of his car. I
> > wrote down the number and I hunted for another place to park. A couple
of
> > days later, I'm at home sitting at my desk. I had just gotten off the
> > phone
> > after calling 402-8863 and yelling, "You're jackass!" (Its really easy
to
> > call him now since I have his number on speed dial.) I noticed the phone
> > number of the guy with the black Camaro lying on my desk and thought I
> > better
> > call this guy too. He answered the phone and said, "Hello."
> >
> > I said, "Is this the man with the black Camaro for sale?"
> >
> > "Yes, it is."
> >
> > "Can you tell me where I can see it?"
> >
> > "Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th street. Its a yellow house and the cars
> > parked
> > right out front."
> >
> > I said, "What's your name?"
> > "My name is Don Hansen."
> >
> > "When's a good time to catch you, Don?"
> >
> > "I'm home in the evenings."
> >
> > "Listen Don, can I tell you something?"
> >
> > "Yes."
> >
> > "Don, you're a jackass!" And I slammed the phone down.
> >
> > After I hung up, I added Don Hansen's number to my speed dialer. For a
> > while
> > things seemed to be going better for me. Now when I had a problem I had
> > two
> > jackasses to call. Then, after a while of calling the jackasses and
> > hanging
> > up on them, it just wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
> >
> > I gave the problem some serious thought and came up with a solution:
> > First, I
> > had my phone dial Jackass #1. The man answered nicely saying, "Hello." I
> > yelled "You're a jackass!", but I didn't hang up.
> >
> > The jackass said, "Are you still there?"
> >
> > I said, "Yeah."
> >
> > He said, "Stop calling me."
> >
> > I said, "No."
> >
> > He said, "What's your name, pal?"
> >
> > I said, "Don Hansen."
> >
> > He said "Where do you live?"
> >
> > "1802 West 34th Street. Its a yellow house and my black Camero's parked
> > out front."
> >
> > "I'm coming over right now, Don. You'd better start saying your
prayers."
> >
> > "Yeah, like I'm really scared, Jackass!" and I hung up.
> >
> > Then I called Jackass #2. He answered, "Hello." I said, "Hello,
Jackass!"
> >
> > He said, "If I ever find out who you are..."
> >
> > "You'll what?"
> >
> > "Ill kick your ass."
> >
> > "Well, heres your chance. I'm coming right over, Jackass!" And I hung
up.
> >
> > Then I picked up the phone and called the police. I told them I was at
> > 1802
> > West 34th Street and that I was going to kill my gay lover as soon as he
> > got home.
> >
> > Another quick call to Channel 13 about the gang war going down on W.
34th
> > Street. After that I climbed into my car and headed over to 34th Street
to
> >
> > watch the whole thing. Glorious! Watching two jackasses beating the crap
> > out
> > of each other in front of six squad cars and a police helicopter was one
> > of
> > the greatest experiences of my life!
> >
>