PSHAW, Yourself.  Them thar gators taint nuthin' like our dreaded Ozark
Rattle-headed Copper Moccasin, known to get to be 30 feet long and able to
uproot doublewide mobile homes single handedly.  Come to think about it, the
head loks a lot like Regis Philbin.

DM&FS
----- Original Message -----
From: "Joel Walker" <jwalker17@EARTHLINK.NET>
To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
Sent: Friday, October 12, 2001 9:44 PM
Subject: Re: Deer Strike Stories

> > a motorhome with folks up from the Lower 48 had collided head-on
> with
> > Alaska's biggest deer ... a big in-the-prime bull moose. Something
> had
>
> deer? pashaw!
> moose/elk? harumph!!
>
> now, down here in Kudzu Kountry, we have the Supreme Dangerous
> Beastie, in the category of You-Don't-Wanna-Run-Into-One-of-These:
>
> Alligator.
>
> yes, i know what you're saying:
> - it's low and does no damage.
> - they're not very big or very heavy.
> - we can make handbags and wallets out of the carcass!
>
> WRONG!!
>
> while it is true that 'gators ain't exactly the tallest animal in the
> world, they are tall enough to rip your suspension to shreds when/if
> you try to drive over them. moreover, deer/moose/elk do NOT turn and
> bite your tires ... or try to eat YOU if you step out of the vehicle!!
>
> and there ain't usually any carcass ... the thing is still alive and
> viable and now it's REALLY pissed cause you (or the car in front of
> you) just drove over it without so much as a how-do-you-do?!! and a
> really pissed gator is NOT something you want to be around ... true,
> their little tiny legs are short and you naturally assume they can't
> run very fast. that's where you are wrong, wrong, wrong ... as you
> will find if you get within 20 feet of one that takes a disliking to
> you. while they cannot run very FAR, they can move a helluva lot
> quicker than you can for a short distance. and if you think you're
> safe by approaching the non-biting end, let me remind you that being
> hit by a swinging gator tail is somewhat akin to being hit by someone
> using a telephone pole as a baseball bat. :)
>
> the only factor that keeps the Gator Strike stories down is the fact
> that gators don't rush out onto the highway. they just kinda lay
> there, soaking up the heat from the pavement (or trying to cross over
> the highway to get that chicken that just crossed a minute ago. or
> crossing over to find some flying pigs). hence the nickname "speedbump
> with legs". but just get them angry and you'll find out how much
> damage to a car that speedbump can do. :(
>
> and some of them suckers get rather large ... like as long as your
> bus. and many hundreds of pounds. some even get as long as a Cadillac
> and almost as heavy. about as pretty, too. :)
>
> and those whistle thingies do NOT work with gators. neither do air
> horns, sirens, brass bands, or even full orchestras. deaf as a post.
> can't see well, either ... but they can smell. boy, can they smell!!
> stink like water-logged rotting Spam!!!  and they will eat just about
> anything they can grab hold of ... tires, bumpers, legs, arms, dogs,
> children, etc.
>
> so it's a really good idea to be extra careful when driving along the
> boulevards and bayous of Gator Country (expecially down near the
> Everglades) ... and remember:
> Share the Road with a Gator. ;)
>
> unca joel