Old viruses, rediscovered:

THE Clinton virus...(Gives a 7 inch hard drive with NO memory)

THE BOB DOLE (aka VIAGRA) virus...(Makes a new hard drive out of an old
floppy)

THE LEWINSKI virus...(Sucks all the memory out of your computer, then Emails
everybody about what it did)

THE RONALD REAGAN virus...(Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored)

THE MIKE TYSON virus...(Quits after two bytes)

THE OPRAH WINFREY virus...(Your 300mb hard drive shrinks to 100mb, then
expands to stabalize around 200mb)

THE JACK KAVORKIAN virus...(Deletes all old files)

THE ELLEN DEGENERES virus...(Disks can no longer be inserted)

THE PROZAC virus...(Totally screws up your RAM, but your processor doen't
care)

THE JOEY BUTTAFUOCO virus...(Only attacks minor files)

THE ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER virus...(Terminates some files, leaves, but will
be back)

And last, but not least...

THE LORENA BOBBIT virus...(Reformats your hard drive into a 3.5 inch floppy,
then dicards it through windows)