A Redneck Valentine

  Collards is green
  my dog's name is Blue
  and I'm so lucky
  to have a sweet thang like you.

  Yore hair is like cornsilk
  a-flapping in the breeze
  Softer than Blue's
  and without all them fleas.

  You move like the bass,
  which excite me in May.
  You ain't got no scales
  but I luv you anyway.

  Yo're as satisfy'n as okry
  jist a-fry'n in the pan.
  Yo're as fragrant as "snuff"
  right out of the can.

  You have som'a yore teeth,
  for which I am proud;
  I hold my head high
  when we're in a crowd.

  On special occasions,
  when you shave under yore arms,
  well, I'm in hawg heaven,
  and awed by yore charms.

  Still them fellers at work,
  they all want to know,
  what I did to deserve
  such a purdy, young doe.

  Like a good roll of duct tape
  yo're there fer yore man,
  to patch up life's troubles
  and fix what you can.

  Yo're as cute as a junebug
  a-buzzin' overhead.
  You ain't mean like those far ants
  I found in my bed.

  Cut from the best cloth
  like a plaid flannel shirt,
  you spark up my life
  more than a fresh load of dirt.

  When you hold me real tight
  like a padded gunrack,
  my life is complete;
  Ain't nuttin' I lack.

  Yore complexion, it's perfection,
  like the best vinyl sidin'.
  despite all the years,
  yore age, it keeps hidin'.

   Me 'n' you's like a Moon Pie
  with a RC cold drank,
  we go together
  like a skunk goes with stank.

  Some men, they buy chocolate
  for Valentine's Day;
  They git it at Wal-Mart,
  it's romantic that way.

  Some men git roses
  on that special day
  from the cooler at Kroger.
  "That's impressive," I say.

  Some men buy fine diamonds
  from a flea market booth.
  "Diamonds are forever,"
  they explain, suave and couth.

  But for this man, honey,
  these won't do.
  Cause yo're too special,
  you sweet thang you.

  I got you a gift,
  without taste nor odor,
  more useful than diamonds...

  IT'S A NEW TROLLIN' MOTOR!!