hi everybody,
last week, i got a job as a sea captain.  for those of you unfamiliar with
the trade, i "captain" "ships" on the "sea."  i'll admit, i was new to the
whole thing, and assumed i'd get something along the lines of a small
freighter, but being as how i looked so much like a seaman, what with my
beard and all, they gave me a nice big passenger liner.  they even gave me
my own special captain's hat and jacket (very professional!) and some new
shoes.  the ship is real fancy, with lots of crew people and deck chairs.
it even has a swimming pool.  and the horn is so loud!  but they told me i
can only use it at certain "special" times.

anyway, my big first day was last friday.  it didn't go as well as i'd like
(see attached photo).  needless to say, i'm not a sea captain anymore, but i
did get to keep the hat, and that's something.

your pal,
jason

ps: the term "watertight" no longer applies if the device to which this
adjective is affixed is left open or as one of my old crew people put it,
"totally and negligibly unsecured."

oh well.  "live and learn."  i always say.  looks like it's back to
tinkering with my van.