It's threads like this that keep me on this list.

Not sure what that says about me.

Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pull up my waders, grab a hoe and head
to the flats in search of virgins.

John flaherty
Portland, Maine
'84 GL

----- Original Message -----
From: "Joel Walker" <jwalker17@EARTHLINK.NET>
To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
Sent: Friday, May 03, 2002 10:33 PM
Subject: Re: Clam Flogging!! at the Court House, Tomorrow Night (long-ish)

> > > Hope those clams are virgins!
> > >
> > > (Would that be cherry clams????)
> >
> > If they're virgins, can we flog them!?!?!
>
> boy, thar be some really sick people on this list!!!
>
> i mean, think about it: flogging clams!!!??  you ever try to flog a
> clam? or even an oyster?
> how about a turtle ... it's just a clam with legs, fer crying out loud
> ... but the point is, all these little jobbers had HARD SHELLS!!! not
> exactly the perfect target of flogging!!
>
> nooooooo, flogging is for softshelled thingies like peoples, horses,
> dogs, cats, mules, oxens, cows, and the occasional watermelons or, in
> a pinch, cantaloupes.
>
> the idea of flogging is to ...
>
> (a) inflict pain
>
> (b) induce the floggee to never even want to think about the
> activities/actions/words that have brought him/her/it to this sorry
> state of affairs. unless, of course, said floggee borders on the
> masochistic side of crazy and just loves being flogged. in that case,
> you're better off just burning them at the stake ... saves time and
> money.
>
> (c) get the flogger worked up into a veritable state of frenzey and
> acute sexual excitement, culminating in a complete collapse of all
> social restraints and responsibilities ... now THIS is what people
> will pay to see. nothing like some father-raper or mother-stabber,
> frothing at the mouth with carnal lust and depraved indifference to
> bodily functions, whupping away to beat the
> band/person/horse/dog/cat/mule/ox/cow/watermelon. i mean, there's
> money to be made here, folks ...
>
> (d) satisfy the perceived need of society to punish persons adjudged
> as wrong-doers. as we all know, societies of all sizes just LOVE to
> point fingers and signify some person or group as a wrong-doer ... an
> outcast of society. even ancient biologists and anthropologists have
> determined that to be the only reason humans are born with five
> fingers: more to point at wrong-doers. to pick up stuff, we only need
> three fingers. fer baseball and football, we only need four. but for
> the designation of wrong-doers, it's hard to beat them five fingers.
> :)
>
> and now i ask you:
>
> (a) - what pain do you think a clam is gonna feel? zero. nada. zilch.
> i mean, first of all, it's got a hard shell. second of all, it's
> hasn't got much of a brain ... anybody ever SEE a clam brain? makes a
> B-B look gigantic!!
>
> (b) - ever know a clam to feel bad about anything? ever know a clam to
> DO anything worth feeling bad about?
>
> (c) - ok, so the flogger could still get worked up about his job ...
> but the fellows in the white coats are gonna be looking REALLY closely
> at him. i mean, just imagine you walked up on some fellow on the
> beach, just flogging away at a clam or even a bucket of clams; what
> would YOU think??
>
> (d) - kinda doubt that society really cares much about pointing
> fingers at clams. eating them, maybe, but how many laws do you know
> what punishes clams for anything? when's the last time you ever heard
> of any clams being arrested?
>
> so, based on the evidence presented heretofore, i think we can all
> assume that flogging clams is a total waste of time and bandwidth. and
> is likely to get you locked away somewhere in a room with a lot of
> people that you really do NOT want to know about. unless you happen to
> be someone who likes flogging clams ... in that case, they'll likely
> put you in a room all to yourself; in a nice white padded jacket. with
> looooooooong arms. that fasten in the rear.
>
>
> see them clam-floggers, ain't they a peach?
> flogging them clamshells, up and down the beach;
> how to be a clam-flogger, ain't nothing to it ...
> get yourself a whip and clam and flog it, flog it, flog it!
>
> then there's the really sick ones ...
>
> the frog floggers (say that fast, three times in a row)
> the log floggers (perverts of the "I'm a Lumberjack" ilk)
> the fog floggers (weathermen gone amuck)
> the bog floggers (cranberry pickers deeply disturbed)
> the cog floggers (engineers that slipped a gear or two)
> the dog floggers (canine cavorting, strictly forbidden by the ASPCA
> and AKC)
> the hog floggers (perversion, southern style)
> the jog floggers (not a real perversion: just fat people who haven't
> sense enough not to jog in public)
>
> but there's no sense in going into all those right now.
>
> happy Fryedaye, Ffolkes. :)
> unca joel
>