John,

Are you grabbing a hoe or a ho?

Ric

At 08:13 AM 5/4/02 -0400, John P. Flaherty wrote:
>It's threads like this that keep me on this list.
>
>Not sure what that says about me.
>
>Now if you'll excuse me I'm going to pull up my waders, grab a hoe and head
>to the flats in search of virgins.
>
>John flaherty
>Portland, Maine
>'84 GL
>
>----- Original Message -----
>From: "Joel Walker" <jwalker17@EARTHLINK.NET>
>To: <vanagon@GERRY.VANAGON.COM>
>Sent: Friday, May 03, 2002 10:33 PM
>Subject: Re: Clam Flogging!! at the Court House, Tomorrow Night (long-ish)
>
>
> > > > Hope those clams are virgins!
> > > >
> > > > (Would that be cherry clams????)
> > >
> > > If they're virgins, can we flog them!?!?!
> >
> > boy, thar be some really sick people on this list!!!
> >
> > i mean, think about it: flogging clams!!!??  you ever try to flog a
> > clam? or even an oyster?
> > how about a turtle ... it's just a clam with legs, fer crying out loud
> > ... but the point is, all these little jobbers had HARD SHELLS!!! not
> > exactly the perfect target of flogging!!
> >
> > nooooooo, flogging is for softshelled thingies like peoples, horses,
> > dogs, cats, mules, oxens, cows, and the occasional watermelons or, in
> > a pinch, cantaloupes.
> >
> > the idea of flogging is to ...
> >
> > (a) inflict pain
> >
> > (b) induce the floggee to never even want to think about the
> > activities/actions/words that have brought him/her/it to this sorry
> > state of affairs. unless, of course, said floggee borders on the
> > masochistic side of crazy and just loves being flogged. in that case,
> > you're better off just burning them at the stake ... saves time and
> > money.
> >
> > (c) get the flogger worked up into a veritable state of frenzey and
> > acute sexual excitement, culminating in a complete collapse of all
> > social restraints and responsibilities ... now THIS is what people
> > will pay to see. nothing like some father-raper or mother-stabber,
> > frothing at the mouth with carnal lust and depraved indifference to
> > bodily functions, whupping away to beat the
> > band/person/horse/dog/cat/mule/ox/cow/watermelon. i mean, there's
> > money to be made here, folks ...
> >
> > (d) satisfy the perceived need of society to punish persons adjudged
> > as wrong-doers. as we all know, societies of all sizes just LOVE to
> > point fingers and signify some person or group as a wrong-doer ... an
> > outcast of society. even ancient biologists and anthropologists have
> > determined that to be the only reason humans are born with five
> > fingers: more to point at wrong-doers. to pick up stuff, we only need
> > three fingers. fer baseball and football, we only need four. but for
> > the designation of wrong-doers, it's hard to beat them five fingers.
> > :)
> >
> > and now i ask you:
> >
> > (a) - what pain do you think a clam is gonna feel? zero. nada. zilch.
> > i mean, first of all, it's got a hard shell. second of all, it's
> > hasn't got much of a brain ... anybody ever SEE a clam brain? makes a
> > B-B look gigantic!!
> >
> > (b) - ever know a clam to feel bad about anything? ever know a clam to
> > DO anything worth feeling bad about?
> >
> > (c) - ok, so the flogger could still get worked up about his job ...
> > but the fellows in the white coats are gonna be looking REALLY closely
> > at him. i mean, just imagine you walked up on some fellow on the
> > beach, just flogging away at a clam or even a bucket of clams; what
> > would YOU think??
> >
> > (d) - kinda doubt that society really cares much about pointing
> > fingers at clams. eating them, maybe, but how many laws do you know
> > what punishes clams for anything? when's the last time you ever heard
> > of any clams being arrested?
> >
> > so, based on the evidence presented heretofore, i think we can all
> > assume that flogging clams is a total waste of time and bandwidth. and
> > is likely to get you locked away somewhere in a room with a lot of
> > people that you really do NOT want to know about. unless you happen to
> > be someone who likes flogging clams ... in that case, they'll likely
> > put you in a room all to yourself; in a nice white padded jacket. with
> > looooooooong arms. that fasten in the rear.
> >
> >
> > see them clam-floggers, ain't they a peach?
> > flogging them clamshells, up and down the beach;
> > how to be a clam-flogger, ain't nothing to it ...
> > get yourself a whip and clam and flog it, flog it, flog it!
> >
> > then there's the really sick ones ...
> >
> > the frog floggers (say that fast, three times in a row)
> > the log floggers (perverts of the "I'm a Lumberjack" ilk)
> > the fog floggers (weathermen gone amuck)
> > the bog floggers (cranberry pickers deeply disturbed)
> > the cog floggers (engineers that slipped a gear or two)
> > the dog floggers (canine cavorting, strictly forbidden by the ASPCA
> > and AKC)
> > the hog floggers (perversion, southern style)
> > the jog floggers (not a real perversion: just fat people who haven't
> > sense enough not to jog in public)
> >
> > but there's no sense in going into all those right now.
> >
> > happy Fryedaye, Ffolkes. :)
> > unca joel
> >