sorry, I know it's not friday, but I needed to send these to the list.  I
know some of you can relate...

 HAMMER:
  Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer is used as a kind
  of divining rod to locate expensive parts not far from the object we are
  trying to hit.

  ELECTRIC DRILL:
  Normally used for spinning rivets in their holes until you die of old
  age, but it also works well for drilling mounting holes just above a fuel
  line.

  PLIERS:
  Used to round off bolt heads.

  HACKSAW:
 One of a family of cutting tools based on the chaos principle. It
  transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and the
  more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your future
  becomes.

  VISE-GRIPS:
  Used to round off bolt heads if nothing else is available, they can
  also be
  used to transfer intense welding heat to the palm of your hand.

  OXYACETYLENE TORCH:
  Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your
  garage on fire.

  WHITWORTH (Metric) SOCKETS:
  Once used for working on older British vehicles, they are now used
  mainly
  for impersonating that 9/16-inch or 1/2-inch socket for which you've
  been
  searching the last 15 minutes.

  DRILL PRESS:
  A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar
  stock
  out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings your
  drink
  across the room, splattering it against that freshly painted part you
  were drying.

  WIRE WHEEL:
  Cleans rust off old bolts and then throws the bolt somewhere under the

  workbench with the speed of light. Also removes fingerprint whorls and

  hard-earned guitar calluses in about the time it takes you to say,
  "Ouch!"

  HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:
 Used for lowering a vehicle to the ground after you have installed
  your new tires, trapping the jack handle firmly under the wheel.

  EIGHT-FOOT-LONG DOUGLAS FIR 2x4:
 Used for levering vehicle upward off a hydraulic jack.

  TWEEZERS:
  A tool for removing wood splinters.

  TELEPHONE:
  Tool for calling your neighbor to see if he has another hydraulic
  floor jack.

  TROUBLE LIGHT:
  The mechanic's own tanning booth. Sometimes called drop light, it is a

  good source of vitamin D, "the sunshine vitamin," which is not otherwise
  found in garages at night. Health benefits aside, its main purpose is to
  consume 60-watt light bulbs at about the same rate that 105-mm howitzer
 shells
  might be used during, say, the first few hours of the Battle of the Bulge.
  More often dark than light, its name is somewhat misleading.

  PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:
  Normally used to stab the lids of old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and
  splash oil on your shirt; can also be used, as the name implies, to
  round out Phillips screw heads.

 AIR COMPRESSOR:
  A machine that takes energy produced in a coal-burning power plant 200

  miles away and transforms it into compressed air that travels by hose to a
  pneumatic impact wrench that grips rusty bolts last tightened 60 years

  ago, and rounds them off.

  PRY BAR:
  A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding the clip or bracket you
 needed to remove in order to replace a 50-cent part.

  HOSE CUTTER:
  A tool used to cut hoses 1/2-inch too short.

Mick Kalber
Tropical Visions Video, Inc.
62 Halaulani Place
Hilo, Hawaii 96720
808-935-5557
808-935-0066 (fax)
redhotlava@hawaii.rr.com
http://www.volcanoscapes.com/