An excerpt from an article in the Missoulan:

"Based on my experiences, I do have some cautionary
advice as we all scoot into the woods to gather ticks
this summer:

- If you run into a bear in the woods, throw rocks at
it and take a cub hostage until the bear backs down.

- First-aid kits take up too much room. Bring a bottle
of whiskey so you can get drunk one more time and
reminisce about your past loves while you're dying.

- If you get a fish hook in your eyeball, the
important thing is to not panic. With two fingers,
hold your eyeball in place. With the other hand, grab
the hook and yank and twist on that mother until it
rips apart from the cornea.

- If you're lost and hungry, there are lots of food
sources in the wilderness. Start by sawing off your
foot. Using your boot as a cup, drink your own blood
and pick any old wild mushroom for a tasty side dish.

- Can you jump that dock with your Jet Ski? Hell yes,
you can jump that dock with your Jet Ski. But you
gotta give 'er some gas, you wuss.

- Hiking alone is always the best option. Before you
leave, however, tell people where you're going so the
helicopter pilot knows where to come scoop up the
corpse."

Read the complete article here:
http://www.missoulian.com/articles/2005/06/03/entertainer/twaddle/fat01.txt

Jeffrey Earl
1983 diesel Westfalia "Vanasazi"
http://www.vanthology.com/

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