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Now I understand better why I get so much trouble at the car, when it
looked so easy in the Haynes:<br><br>
--------<br>
<font size=2>Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise. <br>
Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer <br>
counterclockwise. <br><br>
Haynes: This is a snug fit. <br>
Translation: You will skin your knuckles! <br><br>
Haynes: This is a tight fit. <br>
Translation: Not a hope in hell, bucko! <br><br>
Haynes: As described in Chapter 7... <br>
Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start;
<br>
now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...
<br><br>
Haynes: Pry... <br>
Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into... <br><br>
Haynes: Undo... <br>
Translation: Go buy a BIG can of WD40... <br><br>
Haynes: Retain small spring... <br>
Translation: &quot;Jeez what was that, it nearly took my eye out!&quot;
<br><br>
Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb... <br>
Translation: &quot;OK - that's the glass part off, now use some good
<br>
pliers to dig out the base... <br><br>
Haynes: Lightly... <br>
Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your <br>
forehead are throbbing... <br><br>
Haynes: Routine maintenance... <br>
Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be! <br><br>
Haynes: One spanner rating. <br>
Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to <br>
botch it up? <br><br>
Haynes: Two spanner rating. <br>
Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
<br>
low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring diagram <br>
was a map of the Tokyo underground. <br><br>
Haynes: Three spanner rating. <br>
Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards! <br><br>
Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
<br>
Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! <br><br>
Haynes: Compress... <br>
Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear
<br>
at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the <br>
garage for while muttering &quot;Piece of Sh@t&quot; repeatedly under
your <br>
breath. <br><br>
Haynes: Inspect... <br>
Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
<br>
looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, &quot;Yep,
<br>
as I thought, it's broke!&quot; <br><br>
Haynes: Carefully... <br>
Translation: You are about to cut yourself. <br><br>
Haynes: Retaining nut... <br>
Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust. <br><br>
Haynes: Get an assistant... <br>
Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you <br>
know. <br><br>
Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
<br>
Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much <br>
harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided, <br>
you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark
<br>
plugs. <br><br>
Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal. <br>
Translation: But you swear in different places. <br><br>
Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs... <br>
Translation: Snap off... <br><br>
Haynes: Using a suitable drift... <br>
Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
<br><br>
Haynes: Apply moderate heat... <br>
Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate <br>
heat. <br><br>
Haynes: Index <br>
Translation: List of all the things in the book but the thing you want
<br>
to do!</font> <br>
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