Thanks, I printed that and taped it to the inside cover.

I always did have trouble translating the Queen's English to American. :-)

At 07:10 PM 4/25/2006 +0200, Jens Jakob Andersen wrote:
>Now I understand better why I get so much trouble at the car, when it
>looked so easy in the Haynes:
>
>--------
>Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
>Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
>counterclockwise.
>
>Haynes: This is a snug fit.
>Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
>
>Haynes: This is a tight fit.
>Translation: Not a hope in hell, bucko!
>
>Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
>Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start;
>now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...
>
>Haynes: Pry...
>Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
>
>Haynes: Undo...
>Translation: Go buy a BIG can of WD40...
>
>Haynes: Retain small spring...
>Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly took my eye out!"
>
>Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
>Translation: "OK - that's the glass part off, now use some good
>pliers to dig out the base...
>
>Haynes: Lightly...
>Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
>forehead are throbbing...
>
>Haynes: Routine maintenance...
>Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
>
>Haynes: One spanner rating.
>Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to
>botch it up?
>
>Haynes: Two spanner rating.
>Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
>low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring diagram
>was a map of the Tokyo underground.
>
>Haynes: Three spanner rating.
>Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!
>
>Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
>Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
>
>Haynes: Compress...
>Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear
>at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the
>garage for while muttering "Piece of Sh@t" repeatedly under your
>breath.
>
>Haynes: Inspect...
>Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
>looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yep,
>as I thought, it's broke!"
>
>Haynes: Carefully...
>Translation: You are about to cut yourself.
>
>Haynes: Retaining nut...
>Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
>
>Haynes: Get an assistant...
>Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you
>know.
>
>Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
>Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
>harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided,
>you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark
>plugs.
>
>Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
>Translation: But you swear in different places.
>
>Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
>Translation: Snap off...
>
>Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
>Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
>
>Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
>Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate
>heat.
>
>Haynes: Index
>Translation: List of all the things in the book but the thing you want
>to do!