Thanks Jens, that was hilarious!

On 4/25/06, Mike Miller <mwmiller@cwnet.com> wrote:
>
> Finally something about the Haynes that I understand:
>
> If you have to read about it in this manual, you don�t have a prayer of
> getting it done unless you�re TK.
>
> Mike
>
>
> On 4/25/06 10:10 AM, "Jens Jakob Andersen" <jayjay@ZORCK.DK> wrote:
>
> > Now I understand better why I get so much trouble at the car, when it
> looked
> > so easy in the Haynes:
> >
> > --------
> > Haynes: Rotate anticlockwise.
> > Translation: Clamp with visegrips then beat repeatedly with hammer
> > counterclockwise.
> >
> > Haynes: This is a snug fit.
> > Translation: You will skin your knuckles!
> >
> > Haynes: This is a tight fit.
> > Translation: Not a hope in hell, bucko!
> >
> > Haynes: As described in Chapter 7...
> > Translation: That'll teach you not to read through before you start;
> > now you are looking at scary photos of the inside of a gearbox...
> >
> > Haynes: Pry...
> > Translation: Hammer a screwdriver into...
> >
> > Haynes: Undo...
> > Translation: Go buy a BIG can of WD40...
> >
> > Haynes: Retain small spring...
> > Translation: "Jeez what was that, it nearly took my eye out!"
> >
> > Haynes: Press and rotate to remove bulb...
> > Translation: "OK - that's the glass part off, now use some good
> > pliers to dig out the base...
> >
> > Haynes: Lightly...
> > Translation: Start off lightly and build up till the veins on your
> > forehead are throbbing...
> >
> > Haynes: Routine maintenance...
> > Translation: If it isn't broken... it's about to be!
> >
> > Haynes: One spanner rating.
> > Translation: Your mother could do this... so how did you manage to
> > botch it up?
> >
> > Haynes: Two spanner rating.
> > Translation: Now you may think that you can do this because two is a
> > low, tiny, little number... but you also thought the wiring diagram
> > was a map of the Tokyo underground.
> >
> > Haynes: Three spanner rating.
> > Translation: OK - but don't expect us to ride in it afterwards!
> >
> > Haynes: If not, you can fabricate your own special tool like this...
> > Translation: Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!
> >
> > Haynes: Compress...
> > Translation: Squeeze with all your might, jump up and down on, swear
> > at, throw at the garage wall, then search in the dark corner of the
> > garage for while muttering "Piece of Sh@t" repeatedly under your
> > breath.
> >
> > Haynes: Inspect...
> > Translation: Squint at really hard and pretend you know what you are
> > looking at, then declare in a loud knowing voice to your wife, "Yep,
> > as I thought, it's broke!"
> >
> > Haynes: Carefully...
> > Translation: You are about to cut yourself.
> >
> > Haynes: Retaining nut...
> > Translation: Yes, that's it, that big spherical blob of rust.
> >
> > Haynes: Get an assistant...
> > Translation: Prepare to humiliate yourself in front of someone you
> > know.
> >
> > Haynes: Turning the engine will be easier with the spark pugs removed.
> > Translation: However, starting the engine afterwards will be much
> > harder. Once that sinking pit of your stomach feeling has subsided,
> > you can start to feel deeply ashamed as you gingerly refit the spark
> > plugs.
> >
> > Haynes: Refitting is the reverse sequence to removal.
> > Translation: But you swear in different places.
> >
> > Haynes: Prise away plastic locating pegs...
> > Translation: Snap off...
> >
> > Haynes: Using a suitable drift...
> > Translation: The biggest nail in your tool box isn't a suitable drift!
> >
> > Haynes: Apply moderate heat...
> > Translation: Placing your mouth near it and huffing isn't moderate
> > heat.
> >
> > Haynes: Index
> > Translation: List of all the things in the book but the thing you want
> > to do!
> >
>

--
Jake
1984 Vanagon GL
1986 Westy Weekender "Dixie"
www.crescentbeachguitar.com