> A public school teacher was arrested today while driving a Vanagon

>at the Montana border crossing in

> possession of a ruler, a

> protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a

> calculator.

>

> At a morning press conference, Attorney General

> Alberto Gonzalez said he

> believes the man is a member of the notorious

> Al-gebra movement. He did not

> identify the man, who has been charged by the FBI

> with carrying weapons of

> math instruction. Al-gebra is a problem for us,"

> Gonzalez said. "They desire

> solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go

> off on tangents in a search

> of absolute value. They use secret code names like

> 'x' and 'y' and refer to

> themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined

> they belong to a common

> denominator of the medieval axis with coordinates

> in every country. As the

> Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are

> 3 sides to every

> triangle."

>

> When asked to comment on the arrest, the President

> said, "If God had wanted

> us to have better Weapons of Math Instruction, He

> would have given us more

> fingers and toes." White House aides told reporters

> they could not recall a

> more intelligent or profound statement by the

> president.

TGIF