>
> ANNUAL NEOLOGISM CONTEST
>
> Once again, The Washington Post has published the winning
> submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to
> supply alternate meanings for common words.
>
> The winners are:
>
> 1. Coffee (n.): the person upon whom one coughs.
>
> 2. Flabbergasted (adj.): appalled over how much weight you have
> gained.
>
> 3. Abdicate (v.): to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.
>
> 4. Esplanade (v.): to attempt an explanation while drunk.
>
> 5. Willy-nilly (adj.): impotent
>
> 6. Negligent (adj.): describes a condition in which you absent-
> mindedly answer the door in your nightgown.
>
> 7. Lymph (v.): to walk with a lisp.
>
> 8. Gargoyle (n.): olive-flavored mouthwash.
>
> 9. Flatulence (n.): emergency vehicle that picks you up after you
> are run over by a steamroller.
>
> 10. Balderdash (n.): a rapidly receding hairline.
>
> 11. Testicle (n.): a humorous question on an exam.
>
> 12. Rectitude (n.): the formal, dignified bearing adopted by
> proctologists.
>
> 13. Pokemon (n): a Rastafarian proctologist.
>
> 14. Oyster (n.): a person who sprinkles his conversation with
> Yiddishisms.
>
> 15. Frisbeetarianism (n.): (back by popular demand). The belief
> that, when you die, your soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck
> there.
>
> 16. Circumvent (n.): an opening in the front of boxer shorts worn
> by Jewish men.
>
> The Washington Post's Style Invitational once again asked readers
> to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding,
> subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
> Here are this year's winners:
>
> 1. Bozone (n.): The substance surrounding stupid people that stops
> bright ideas from penetrating. The bozone layer, unfortunately,
> shows little sign of breaking down in the near future.
>
> 2. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the
> subject financially impotent for an indefinite period.
>
> 3. Giraffiti (n): Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
>
> 4. Sarchasm (n): The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and
> the person who doesn't get it.
>
> 5. Inoculatte (v): To take coffee intravenously when you are
> running late.
>
> 6. Hipatitis (n): Terminal coolness.
>
> 7. Osteopornosis (n): A degenerate disease. (This one got extra
> credit.)
>
> 8 Karmageddon (n): It's like, when everybody is sending off all
> these really bad vibes, right? And then, like, the Earth explodes
> and it's like, a serious bummer.
>
> 9. Decafalon (n.): The grueling event of getting through the day
> consuming only things that are good for you.
>
> 10. Glibido (v): All talk and no action.
>
> 11. Dopeler Effect (n): The tendency of stupid ideas to seem
> smarter when they come at you rapidly.
>
> 12. Arachnoleptic Fit (n.): The frantic dance performed just after
> you've accidentally walked through a spider web.
>
> 13. Beelzebug (n.): Satan in the form of a mosquito that gets into
> your bedroom at three in the morning and cannot be cast out.
>
> 14 Caterpallor (n.): The color you turn after finding half a grub
> in the fruit you're eating.
>
>