>> This is the time of year when we think back to the very first
>> Christmas, when the Three Wise Men -- Gaspar, Balthazar, and Herb -- 
>> went to see the baby Jesus and, according to the Book of Matthew, 
>> "presented unto Him gifts; gold, frankincense, and myrrh."
>>
>> These are simple words, but if we analyze them carefully, we discover

>> an important, yet often overlooked, theological fact: there is no
mention
>> of wrapping paper.
>>
>> If there had been wrapping paper, Matthew would have said so: "And
lo,
>> the gifts were inside 600 square cubits of paper. And the paper was
>> festooned with pictures of Frosty the Snowman. And Joseph was going
to
>> throweth it away, but Mary saideth unto him, she saideth, 'Holdeth
it!
>> That is nice paper! Saveth it for next year!' And Joseph did rolleth
>> his eyeballs. And the baby Jesus was more interested in the paper 
>> than
the
>> frankincense."
>>
>> But these words do not appear in the Bible, which means that the very

>> first Christmas gifts were NOT wrapped. This is because the people
>> giving those gifts had two important characteristics:
>>
>> 1. They were wise.
>> 2. They were men.
>>
>> Men are not big gift wrappers. Men do not understand the point of
>> putting paper on a gift just so somebody else can tear it off. This
is
>> not just my opinion, this is a scientific fact based on a statistical

>> survey of two guys I know. One is Rob, who said the only time he ever

>> wraps a gift is "if it's such a poor gift that I don't want to be
>> there when the person opens it." The other is Gene, who told me he 
>> does
wrap
>> gifts, but as a matter of principle never takes more than 15 seconds
>> per gift. "No one ever had to wonder which presents daddy wrapped at 
>> Christmas," Gene said. "They were the ones that looked like enormous 
>> spitballs."
>>
>> I also wrap gifts, but because of some defect in my motor skills, I
>> can never completely wrap them. I can take a gift the size of a deck 
>> of cards and put it the exact center of a piece of wrapping paper the

>> size of a regulation volleyball court, but when I am done folding and

>> taping, you can still see a sector of the gift peeking out.
>> (Sometimes I camouflage this sector with a marking pen.) If I had 
>> been an ancient Egyptian in the field of mummies, the lower half of 
>> the Pharaoh's
body
>> would be covered only by Scotch tape.
>>
>> On the other hand, if you give my wife a 12-inch square of wrapping
>> paper, she can wrap a Vanagon (content). My wife, like many women, 
>> actually likes wrapping things. If she gives you a gift that requires

>> batteries, she wraps the batteries separately, which to me is very
>> close to being a symptom of mental illness. If it were possible, my 
>> wife would wrap each individual volt.
>>
>> My point is that gift-wrapping is one of those skills like having
>> babies that come more naturally to women than to men. That is why 
>> today I am
>> presenting:
>>
>> Gift Wrapping Tips for Men:
>>
>> * Whenever possible, buy gifts that are already wrapped. If, when the

>> recipient opens the gift, neither one of you recognizes it, you can
>> claim that it's myrrh.
>>
>> * The editors of Woman's Day magazine recently ran an item on how to
>> make your own wrapping paper by printing a design on it with an apple

>> sliced in half horizontally and dipped in a mixture of food coloring
>> and liquid starch. They must be smoking crack. If  you're giving a 
>> hard-to-wrap gift, skip the wrapping paper! Just put it inside a bag 
>> and stick one of those little adhesive bows on it.  This creates a
festive
>> visual effect that is sure to delight the lucky recipient on
Christmas
>> morning:
>>
>> YOUR WIFE: Why is there a Hefty trash bag under the tree?
>>
>> YOU: It's a gift! See? It has a bow!
>>
>> YOUR WIFE (peering into the trash bag): It's a leaf blower.
>>
>> YOU: Gas-powered! Five horsepower!
>>
>> YOUR WIFE: I want a divorce.
>>
>> YOU: I also got you some myrrh.
>>
>> In conclusion, remember that the important thing is not what you
give,
>> or how you wrap it. The important thing, during this very special
time
>> of year, is that you save the receipt.
>>
>> Author Unknown (but definitely male)
>>