I recall the last 928 had some odd locking protocol where if you locked the hatch with the key, but then
opened the door, the alarm would go off and the windows would start going up and
down, the lights would flash and you couldn't get inside to the hatch area to
disable the battery...Oddball crap like that...always happening

That's called "German Engineering". Best to stay away from complicated electronics on any European car, IMHO. Not so with Japanese cars, though.   Jeff