At 11:41 AM 5/21/2010, Mike \"Rocket J Squirrel\" wrote:
>Why does it hurt when I pee?
>
>Sign me,
>
>Worried in Oregon

Dear Uralgia,

This might be a sequelum to the use of a urethral sound, or
especially a urethral scarifier (q.v.).  However the most common
reason is -- not to put too fine a point on it -- a dose of the
clap.  This is diagnosed by microscopic examination of a Gram-stained
smear which will reveal the characteristic "coffee-bean" appearance
of N. gonorrhea diplococcus *intracellularly* in white cells in the
smear.  It is generally treated with antibiotics unless you've
contracted the fearsome (and fabled) hammerhead variety in which case
treatment is eponymous.  Gonorrhea is more serious but less
noticeable in females, so if you've been "playing the tree" you might
want to speak to Mrs. Squirrel^H^H^H^H^H^H^H^HUralgia about it.

There's a nice writeup of the diagnostic test at
<http://wwww.helium.com/items/1750087-how-to-identify-neisseria-gonorrhea-in-a-simple-smear-identification-of-gonorrheoa-grams-stain
 >

As I recall, the coffee beans are sorta cute under high-oil, if
that's any compensation.  I've never personally experienced them
except at the other end of a microscope.

Now aren't you sorry you asked? ;->

Yours in sympathy,
Agony Auntie
Next week -- How to do a pregnancy test using male frogs.
N. B. Any of these common diagnostic lab procedures may be
accomplished in a suitably equipped Vanagon.