In my <sigh> 33 years as a telecommunications technician I have dealt with every one of these people. Right now I have an open ticket for a user who wants me to drive across the city (Washington, DC) just to swap the paper tag on her phone that shows what her extension number is....         Jeff  

Jeff Stewart 

----- Original Message -----

This ought to make you feel better about  your computer skills! 

Tech  support: What kind of computer do you have? 
Customer: A  white one... 

Tech  support:  Click  on the 'my computer' icon on to the left of the screen. 
Customer: Your left or my left? 

Customer:    Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every 
time I try, it says 'Can't find  printer'.  I've even lifted the 
printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still 
says he can't find it... 

Tech  support:    What's on your monitor now, ma'am? 
Customer:    A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at the 7-11. 

Customer:   My keyboard  is not working anymore. 
Tech  support:   Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? 
Customer:   No. I can't  get behind the computer. 
Tech  support:    Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. 
Customer: !   OK 
Tech support:   Did the  keyboard come with you? 
Customer:  Yes 
Tech support:   That means the keyboard  is not plugged in. 

Customer:   I can't get on the Internet. 
Tech support:    Are you sure you used the right password? 
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. 
Tech  support:  Can you tell me what the password was? 
Customer: Five dots. 

Tech  support: What  anti-virus program do you use? 
Customer: Netscape. 
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. 
Customer: Oh, sorry... Internet Explorer... 

Customer:  I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver 
on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. 

Tech support:    How may I help you? 
Customer:   I'm writing my first email. 
Tech support:    OK, and what seems to be the problem? 
Customer:   Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I 
get the little circle around it? 

This one and the next are our personal favorites! 

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer. 
Tech support:   Are you running it under windows? 
Customer:   'No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good 
point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, 
and his printer is working fine.' 

And last but not least! 

Tech  support: 'Okay Bob, let's  press the control and escape keys at 
the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. 
Now type the letter 'P' to bring up the Program  Manager.' 
Customer:   I don't have a P. 
Tech  support:   On your keyboard, Bob. 
Customer:   What do you mean? 
Tech support:   'P'.....on  your keyboard, Bob. 
Customer:   I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!