ok,ok,ok .... i got this one!!! :)

On Thu, 5 Jan 95 21:24:41 CST Will Self said:
>Across:
>What the German Shepherd's tail was doin (when he got to ride in the vanagon)

farts

>Part of A DIAMOND, could be A FIRST

abase

>Old _____ Home, type of import junkyard

rolex ... cause those bastards make so much money off us poor volks that they
          can buy a new watch every month.

>Eventempered Underpowered Longlasting Easygoing Throttlers, organization of
>  those of us who hurry slowly!

tulex.    hey! it makes as much sense as that sentence!

>What you have to come up with for the spouse when you've dropped another
>  thou on a beautiful restorable old brick carcass

story

>Down:
>What the friendly brick driver does upon sighting another friendly
>  brick driver

farts.   <cause i don't see one very often! :(   >

>A way to come when sailing

about    <a really stupid sailing term, if you ask me: about what!!!????>

>Swilled by sots, downed by drunks, dipped by dipsos--by the gallon!

rallo   <a really cheap whiskey made by illiterate Neanderthal Rednecks about
         six miles from here. $0.25 per hogshead, deposit required for the
         plastic fertilizer tank (unless you bring your own)>

>A long narrow ridge or mound of sand, gravel, and boulders deposited by
>  a stream flowing on, within, or beneath a stagnant glacier.  Also,
>  a practitioner of the art of esking.

tserr    <just ask any old practitioner of the art of esking. ha!>

>Like a Westy (that's been all fixed up to be homey)

sexxy    <well ... that's what all you Westy folks keep talking about!>

so then the whole thing looks like this:

       F A R T S
       A B A S E
       R O L E X
       T U L E X
       S T O R Y

:)