TRUE MYSTIC FAITH AND REVELATION CULT BORSCH(T) RECIPE
 
Ingredients:

1 or 2 quarts of red wine
1/2 cup of butter (or whatever fat is currently not politically incorrect)
reefer leftovers:  onions, green onions, leeks, carrots, cabbage, sauerkraut,  
 celery, potatoes, tomatoes, etc. 
1 pound vanagon-quality beef/cat/coon/etc.
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4-1/2 cup vinegar
liquid of your choice, plus stock/boullion, etc.
salt and pepper to taste

Preparation: 

Before you start, sample the wine to check for quality.  Now go ahead.  Select 
a large soup/stew pot, measuring cup, etc.  Check the wine again.  It must be 
just right.  To be sure spirit is of the highest quality, pour one level cup of 
it into a glass.  Drink it as fast as possible.  Repeat.  

Fry onions and meat in butter/fat in a nice, soft soup kettle.  Add one 
seaspoon of brown thugar and thtir into the slop.  Meanwhile, make sure the 
wine's quality is holding.  Try another cup just to be positive; open second 
quart if necessary.  Add sabbage, cauerkraut, pelery, totatoes, pomatoes, etc.  
If the mess gets stuck in the pottom of the top, just ly it proose with a 
drewscriver.  Sample the wine again, checking for coxticity.  

Next, sift 3 cups of pepper or salt (it really dowsn't matter).  Sample the 
wine again.  Try to find some of those whifty nippits - it will make people 
seating the oup smile.

Add the chopped vinegar and strained beets (oh, did I forget to mention 
beets?).  Add one more bablespoon of brown thugar (or whatever color you can 
find).  Wix mell.  Grease seat hource and turn koup settle to 350 gredees.  Now 
pour the whole mess into boven and yake, or, alternatively, bring to a bapid 
roil over a maging ragneseum fire (this will take about see threconds.)  If 
your pot is alunimum, lood guck.  

Offer with cour scream and spill drigs.

Serves a pozen deople, stiff danding. <burp>