(courtesy of Thom Fitzpatrick!)

>      Acura Integra          - I have always wanted to own the Buick of
>                                 sports cars
>      Acura Legend           - I'm too bland for German cars
>      Acura NSX              - I am impotent
>      Audi 90                - I enjoy putting out engine fires
>      Buick Park Avenue      - I am older than 34 of the 50 states
>      Cadillac Eldorado      - I am a very good Mary Kay salesman
>      Cadillac Seville       - I am a pimp
>      Chevrolet Camaro       - I enjoy beating up people
>      Chevrolet Chevette     - I like seeing people's reactions when I tell
>                                 them I have a 'Vette
>      Chevrolet Corvette     - I'm in a mid-life crisis
>      Chevrolet El Camino    - I am leading a militia to overthrow the
>                                 government
>      Chrysler Cordoba       - I dig the rich Corinthian leather
>      Datsun 280Z            - I have a kilo of cocaine in my wheel well
>      Dodge Dart             - I teach third grade special education and I
>                                 voted for Eisenhower
>      Dodge Daytona          - I delivered pizza for four years to get this
>                                 car
>      Ford Fairmont          - (See Dodge Dart)
>      Ford Mustang           - I slow down to 85 in school zones
>      Ford Crown Victoria    - I enjoy having people slow to 55mph and
>                                 change lanes when I pull up behind them
>      Geo Storm              - I will start the 11th grade in the Fall.
>      Geo Tracker            - I will start the 12th grade in the Fall.
>      Honda del Sol          - I have always said, half a convertible is
>                                 better than no convertible at all
>      Honda Civic            - I have just graduated and have no credit
>      Honda Accord           - I lack any originality and am basically a
>                                 lemming.
>      Infiniti Q45           - I am a physician with 17 malpractice suits
>                                 pending.
>      Isuzu Impulse          - I do not give a rip about J.D. Power or his
>                                 reports.
>      Jaguar XJ6             - I am so rich I will pay 60K for a car that is
>                                 in the shop 280 days per year.
>      Kia Sephia             - I learned nothing from the failure of
>                                 Daihatsu Corp.
>      Lincoln Town Car       - I live for bingo and covered dish suppers >>>
>
>
>                                 Mercury Grand Marquis  - (See above)
>      Mercedes 500SL         - I will beat you up if you ask me for an
>                                 autograph
>      Mercedes 560SEL        - I have a daughter named Bitsy and a son named
>                                 Cole
>      Mazda Miata            - I do not fear being decapitated by an
>                                 eighteen-wheeler
>      MGB                    - I am dating a mechanic
>      Mitsubishi Diamante    - I don't know what it means either
>      Nissan 300ZX           - I have yet to complete my divorce
>                                 proceedings.
>      Oldsmobile Cutlass     - I just stole this car and I'm going to make a
>      Peugeot 505 Diesel     - I am on the EPA's Ten Most Wanted List
>      Plymouth Neon          - I sincerely enjoy doing the Macarena
>      Pontiac Trans AM       - I have a switchblade in my sock
>      Porsche 944            - I am dating big haired women that otherwise
>                                 would be inaccessible to me
>       Rolls Royce Silver Shadow  - I think Pat Buchannon is a tad bit too
>                                 liberal
>      Saturn SC2             - (See Honda Civic)
>      Subaru Legacy          - I have always wanted a Japanese car even more
>      Toyota Camry           - I am still in the closet
>      Volkswagon Beetle      - I still watch Partridge Family reruns
>      Volkswagon Cabriolet   - I am out of the closet
>      Volkswagon Microbus    - I am tripping right now
>      Volvo 740 Wagon        - I am frightened of my wife