This is an actual job application someone
submitted to a fast-food
establishment:

APPLICATION FOR EMPLOYMENT

NAME: Greg Bulmash

DESIRED POSITION: Reclining. Ha ha. But
seriously, whatever's
available. If I was in a position to be picky, I
wouldn't be applying
here in the first place.

DESIRED SALARY: $185,000 a year plus stock
options and a Michael Ovitz
style severance package. If that's not possible,
make an offer and we
can haggle.

EDUCATION: Yes.

LAST POSITION HELD: Target for middle-management
hostility.

SALARY: Less than I'm worth.

MOST NOTABLE ACHIEVEMENT: My incredible
collection of stolen pens and
post-it notes.

REASON FOR LEAVING: It sucked.

HOURS AVAILABLE TO WORK: Any.

PREFERRED HOURS: 1:30-3:30 p.m., Tuesday and
Thursday

DO YOU HAVE ANY SPECIAL SKILLS?: Yes, but
they're better suited to a
more intimate environment.

MAY WE CONTACT YOUR CURRENT EMPLOYER?: If I had
one, would I be here?

DO YOU HAVE ANY PHYSICAL CONDITIONS THAT WOULD
PROHIBIT YOU FROM LIFTING

UP TO 50 LBS?: Of what?

DO YOU HAVE A CAR?: I think the more appropriate
question here would be
"Do you have a car that runs?"

HAVE YOU RECEIVED ANY SPECIAL AWARDS OR
RECOGNITION?: I may already be a

winner of the Publishers Clearinghouse
Sweepstakes.

DO YOU SMOKE?: Only when set on fire.

WHAT WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE DOING IN FIVE YEARS?:
Living in Bimini with a
fabulously wealthy supermodel who thinks I'm the
greatest thing since
sliced bread. Actually, I'd like to be doing
that now.

DO YOU CERTIFY THAT THE ABOVE IS TRUE AND
COMPLETE TO THE BEST OF YOUR
KNOWLEDGE?: No, but I dare you to prove
otherwise.

SIGN HERE: Scorpio with Libra rising.

Pray this isn't your mechanics application

tonyD