36 Things You'll Never Hear in the South

>>>> >1.  "I'll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex"
>>>> >2.  "Duct tape won't fix that."
>>>> >3.  "Come to think of it, I'll have a Heineken,"
>>>> >4.  "We don't keep firearms in this house,"
>>>> >5.  "You can't feed that to the dog,"
>>>> >6.  "I thought Graceland was tacky,"
>>>> >7.  "No kids in the back of the pickup ... it's not safe,"
>>>> >8.  "Professional wrasslin's fake,"
>>>> >9.  "Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?"
>>>> >10.  "We're vegetarians,"
>>>> >11.  "Do you think my hair is too big?"
>>>> >12.  "I'll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy,"
>>>> >13.  "Honey, these bonsai trees need watering,"
>>>> >14.  "I don't understand the appeal of NASCAR,"
>>>> >15.  "Give me the SMALL bag of pork rinds,"
>>>> >16.  "Deer heads detract from the decor,"
>>>> >17.  "Spitting is such a nasty habit,"
>>>> >18.  "I just couldn't find a thing at Walmart today,"
>>>> >19.  "Trim the fat off that steak,"
>>>> >20.  "Cappuccino tastes better than espresso,"
>>>> >21.  "The tires on that truck are too big,"
>>>> >22.  "I'll have the arugula and radicchio salad,"
>>>> >23.  "I've got it all on a floppy disk,"
>>>> >24.  "Unsweetened tea tastes better,"
>>>> >25.  "Would you like your fish poached or broiled?"
>>>> >26.  "My fianc� is registered at Tiffany's,"
>>>> >27.  "I've got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl,"
>>>> >28.  "She's too old to be wearing that bikini,"
>>>> >29.  "Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?"
>>>> >30.  "Hey, here's an episode of 'Hee Haw" that we haven't seen,"
>>>> >31.  "I don't have a favorite college football team,"
>>>> >32.  "Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side,"
>>>> >33.  "I believe you cooked those green beans too long."
>>>> >34.  "Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla."
>>>> >35.  "Elvis who?"
>>>> >36. "Checkmate."