hell, i knew a fellow who 'murdered' his vw beetle!! yup. got it stuck in
the mud out in a swamp (pronounced: swah' uhmp) and couldn't get it out ...
he was a biologist, you see. actually, a biology grad student from new york,
but that's another story.

anyway, he tried digging it out, and that didn't work, so he beat on the top
with the shovel-thingie (one of them folding cat-hole shovels (pronounced:
shey' vulls) that the army gives you when you sign up), but that didn't
work, so he got his 30-caliber rifle (he always carried that thing. said you
just never knew when you'd be attacked by a nematode or butterfly or
something. some of them animals (pronounced: annie' mules) can be quite
viscious (or viscous. depends on the season, i suppose) when they figure out
you're gonna stuff them into a big jar of formaldehyde and water, with a
whole bunch of other strange animals). and he just up and shot that poor
defenseless Beetle. it had never hurt him at all, and it was his own
stupidity for getting stuck.

but i guess it worked. he shot it three times ... did you know a 30-caliber
bullet will go clean through a vw beetle? in one side and through the seat
and right on out the other side?? so this crap about hiding behind cars in
the movies just ain't real, folks. anyhoo, he shot it three times, like i
said, and then calmed down. got back in and cranked it up again and drove on
out. at least, that's what he told us. and judging from the bullet holes in
the sides of the bug, and the shovel-thingie still sticking out of the roof
(no sunroof. well, not before then, anyway), i kinda believed him.

so, you see, it ain't really shovels that are dangerous ... it's people who
carry them around!!! ;)

and the moral of this little tale is:    don't hang around with biology grad
students.   :)

unca joel