Excellent story!!  I laughed my buttocks off about the stupidity of that
mech:

"How the &%$&#@% should I know that. &%$&#@%ing japs"

Poor dude thought 'japs' built the Vanagon.  UNbelievable.  I mean
unBELIEVABLE!

 I only wish the story weren't true!

HKSawyer

At 11:01 PM 7/2/99 -0400, Martin Jagersand wrote:
>Dread Mr Badwrench garage inspecting you Westy?
>
> "However, at one particular shop when I was at the service desk paying
>  I was hearing the garage bay door going down. Then BANG, rattle,  and it
>  sounded like the door turned direction."
>
>Full story:
>
>I do all my repairs myself and if I had a choice I'd never let an
>arbitrary "mech" touch my Westy, however according to the state
>law it has to be inspected once a year by someone supposedily
>more qualified to do so myself. Now making sure cars are roadworthy
>is a good idea. The problem is the "qualified" part doesn't always
>seem to hold in practice.
>
>Here's the scenario, which repeats itself with small variations
>every year:
>
>                1st stop: The lady at the service desk.
>
>Me: "I'd like to have my car inspected. I have an appointment for this
>morning."
>Her: "Ok, name? Make, year... of vehicle" etc.. (fill in service request
>for the inspection)
>
>Here's where the first challenge comes. After the key word "state
>inspection" has been entered on the service request along with
>some useful info as well as irrelevant data, but that still has to
>be filled in, the service desk lady typically expects me to surrender my
>keys and quietly dissappear. Well, I have other plans.
>
>Me: Who's going to inspect my vehicle?
>Her: One of our qualified mechanics.
>Me: Well, which one? Has he worked Diesels before? VW's?
>Her: All our mechanics are qualified to work on all cars and engine
>types.
>Me: Well, I'd like to speak to him before...
>
>At this point varying amounts of of persuasion is needed to convince
>the desk lady that I actually won't leave before seeing the mechanic.
>Eventually though, the effects of historical male dominance and oppression
>makes her give in and she goes to find the mechanic.
>
>                Scene2 (Me and mechanic at service desk):
>
>Me: "Have you worked on Diesels before? VW's?"
>Mechanic: "Yep. All of them."
>I proceed to go through the points to be checked on the NY state
>inspection, and exactly how to apply it to the Vanagon.
>Me: "Do you know how to start a Diesel?"
>Mechanic: "Sure"
>I describe the glow plug and cold timing advance routine.
>(My inspection is up in Jan each year, and this is Upstate NY)
>
>At this point I sometimes try to (more or less successfully, usually less)
>have the mechanic tell me the procedures he's just about to do. Then
>hand over the keys.
>
>                Scene 3 (Me and the service desk lady):
>                (1-2h or so) later at the agreed on pick-up time
>
>Me: Is my Westy ready?
>Her: Looking puzzled. Never heard that car type before.
>Me: Show my copy of the service request.
>Her: Oh, .... Please sit in the waiting room over there. It will be
>done in a minute.
>
>I walk over to the waiting room. Look out through the window into
>the service bays. Can't see my Westy in any of them. Oh well,
>either they just finished it and are parking it outside (wishful
>thinking, or (more commonly)...
>
>                Scene 4 (15 min later in the waiting room)
>
>Mechanic comes in: "Your van don't work. It won't start."
>Me: "You waited for the plugs and pulled the advance handle?"
>Mechanic looks puzzled.
>Me: "Well, lets go and have a look at it"
>
>We go to the parking lot where the van is parked exactly as
>I left it some hours ago, apparently not having moved.
>
>Mechanic: "I cranked it several times, but it wouldn't catch."
>
>I go in and try. Battery is absolutely dead. (Even though the
>Diesel starter requires more than twice the current of a gas
>starter, there's enough for some minutes of cranking -- more
>than you want to expose the starter to)
>
>Me: "You discharged the battery. Did you wait for the glow plugs then
>pull the cold start timing advance handle and crank." (I show the
>sequence again.)
>
>Mechanic: "Ah, thats the choke. You didn't tell me that its a manual
>choke.
>Me: Well, it's not exactly a choke. Diesels don't have chokes.
>(If they did have chokes they could not be started at all.)
>
>Me: "We have to jump start it. You got a charged battery with
>better than 500CCA?"
>
>Mechanic goes in and brings out one of those $99 toy jumpstarters
>with an inky dinky battery in it.
>
>Me: "That's not going to start it. We need a real battery"
>
>Here evidently historical Swedish dominance and authority in northern
>Europe during the 15 and 1600's fails to have had any impression on
>this generation-X-er. We have to try the routine with the toy jumpstarter.
>As predicted, this fails to turn the Diesel over. After more discussion the
>mech is persuaded to bring a *big* battery. THis usually means drive up the
>largest American iron that is currently moving in the shops fleet.
>
>After a bit of pre-charging of the van battery the Diesel starts fine.
>Here I always make sure to use the temporary psychological advantage,
>and myself drive the van into the service bay.
>
>                Scene 5 (In the service bay)
>
>This is a short scene. Sooner or later the service manager is going to
>come by and spot me. However, it is good to try to stay at least until
>they get it up on the lift to verify that they use the lift points or
>if the lift beams don't reach, at least put some wood between the
>lift and the frame rails. Also make sure they don't crush the propane
>tank on the Westy.
>
>Service manager: "Customers are not allowed in the service bays"
>Me: "I would like to watch while my Westy is being inspected"
>Service manager: "The garage floor is dangerous and only professionals
>can be here. You have to watch through the window in the waiting room"
>If that fails to get me out the next argument is inevitably that
>their insurance company don't allow customers on the floor. (The
>power of authority)
>
>Before leaving I remind the mech that the Westy is tall and don't
>lift it so high that the roof hits something. (Many garage lifts
>have a crossbeam above them)
>
>                Scene 6 (Me in the waiting room)
>
>I'm anxiously peering though the window into the garage bays. Given
>the previous hours events I know something is likely to happen.
>For some reason the mech seem to prefer to work on the other side
>of the van, so it's not easy to see what's going on.
>
>A bad sign (but which unfortunatley commonly happens) is to see
>the van lowered about halfway, especially if several of the mechs
>have gathered around it and there's lots of hammering, swearing
>and jumping going on.
>
>By now the desk lady has usually realized that resistance is futile,
>and resigns herself to an angry look as I forge my way past her
>on my way to the garage bays.
>
>                Scene 7 (In the service bay)
>
>The mech is alternatly hammering and jumping on a big-$%^&$%@
>2" wrench (No 46mm metric available) put on my rear axle nut. This
>is not good. The hand brake is not strong enough to absorb the shocks,
>and since the Westy is half lifted there's not ground contact to do it
>either. The result is that the hammer blows are being jerked through the
>CV's and tranny, and if the tranny is in gear dissipated as
>energy in the clutch. Not good for the CV's and gears.
>
>I ask: "Trying to remove the brake drum?"
>Mechanic: "This &%**&^% nut won't come off!"
>Me: "You don't need to take off the axle nut to remove the drum"
>Mechanic is puzzled again.
>Me: "Back off the adjuster and give the drum a light whack to break the
>bond and it will come right off" (I keep the two tiny drum bolts off.
>It's held by the wheel and lug nuts anyway)
>Me: "If you only want to see the lining thickness just take out the
>small rubber plug in the backing plate and look through the hole"
>Mechanic: "How the &%$&#@% should I know that. &%$&#@%ing japs"
>Me: Quitely considering if a geography lesson is worthwhile.
>
>At this point the Service manager and mechs are usually embarrassed
>enough to let me stay for the rest of the inspection, sometimes
>even let me do it myself while pointing out what I'm doing to the
>mech. The rest of the inspection usually goes smoothly.
>
>                Scene 7 (Back behind the service desk)
>
>When done a sticker has to be issued, and the sticker number entered
>in the ledger together with my vehicle data. I notice that the computer
>or someone has added in the emmisions inspection fee.
>
>Me: "There shouldn't be an emmissions fee."
>The desk lady: "All cars have to be emmissions inspected"
>Me: "My car is a Diesel. Diesels are exempt in Upstate"
>
>By this time shes sick of me and is not going to argue with me
>again. She goes in and fetches a suitclad type from the office.
>(accountant? the boss? I don't know)
>
>Me: "There was no emmissions inspection performed. Please take off the
>fee"
>Suit: "All cars are emmision tested. That's the law"
>Me: "This is a Diesel. You don't even have a sniffer for Diesels"
>Suit: (Somehow seems aware of this embarrassing fact. Perhaps he
>was the one nixing the investment in this expensive piece of equipment)
>Suit: "The mech still has to check that all the EPA required emmission
>parts are there"
>
>(Now you should know that there are no emmission parts to check on
>the 82-83 VW Diesel. It passed the EPA regulations without any extra
>stuff. In addition I have never seen the mechs open the engine lid
>during an inspection anyway.)
>
>At this point I'm so tired of arguing, and would be happy if I could
>just get my sticker. (I've actually once managed to get the inappropriately
>added gas emmissions fee refunded, but it wasn't worth the trouble)
>
>Most times the rest of the procedure is the uneventful parting
>between me and my money so I receive the now stickered Westy, and
>the Westy will be safely in my own hands for another year before
>the next dreadful inspection adventure.
>
>However, at one particular shop when I was at the service desk paying
>I was hearing the garage bay door going down. Then BANG, rattle,  and it
>sounded like the door turned direction. Well something must have happened,
>but nobody said anything, so in a few minutes I finished my business and
>got my keys back.
>
>Out in the parking lot I saw the reason for the bang. The mech had
>been backing out as the garage door was lowering. The garage door
>had made a good size dent in the rear hatch pillar from the mech
>backing into it as he backed out, and then scraped off more paint
>when it reversed and was going upward.
>
>I darted in again, mighty upset. The desk lady and the suit looked
>dissaprovingly at me, but eventually got the mech. He tried to
>maintain that nothing had happened and at least he hadn't noticed
>anything happening. After an inspection in the parking lot it was
>pretty obvious what had happened and there was no denying any more.
>
>Needless to say I've not been back to that place. The reason I started
>going there in the first place was that the first few times they
>would just take a quick look while I was in th parking lot and
>then issue the inspection sticker. -- This seemed like a good way of
>getting the sticker, while keeping any incompetent "wrenches" off.
>However, NY state clamped down and shops, incompetent or not,
>had to look as if they were fiddeling for a while to not get caught
>by the state inspectors.
>
>The other shops I've used haven't crashed the Westy against anything
>(yet), but the starting debacle, the brake drum, and a whole host of other
>similar events reiterate themselves year after year.
>
>/Martin
>--
>Westy 1.9l Turbo Diesel
>Quantum 1.6l Turbo Diesel
>
>New and used parts for sale, gas and Diesel:
>
>    http://www.cs.yale.edu/~jag/vw/forsale.html
>
>Martin Jagersand                 email: jag@cs.yale.edu
>Computer Science Department             jag@cs.rochester.edu
>Yale University
>
>        Slow down and visit the VW diesel Westy page:
>          WWW: http://www.cs.rochester.edu/u/jag/vw
>-------------------------------------------------------------------