Steve,

        I ordered the programmable relay from WolfSport.  It cost $35 US + shipping.
 It is BOSCH part # 0 986 335 058
for more info, go to http://www.wolfsport.com/misc/miscf.htm  I recall trying
to get the part from VW, but the programmable one had been superceded by a new
one that was not programmable.

Of course, I have no affiliation with this company....

Sincerely,
Vernon Craddock
'90 Vanagon